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Have a laugh
Silversurfer Offline
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Post: #1
Have a laugh
Ok this is the place to post any jokes.

New guy starts at a zoo.
First job he's given is looking after the bird house and he manages to kill 20 finch's, the head keeper tells him to dump them into the lion pit, they'll eat them.

Second job he's given is to look after the chimpanzees, again disaster, 3 of them die. Head keeper again tells him to deposit them into the lion pit.

Finally he's given the job of looking after the apiary but somehow manages to squash thousands of bees. Head keeper now distraught, tells him again to dump them into the lion pit.

Following day and the zoo confirms the new arrival of a male lion. He walks into the enclosure and starts to assert his dominance. He turns to a lower male and asks, 'how's the food' the other lion replies 'great if you like finch, chimps and mushy bees'. Big Grin

이전 서퍼는 단지 캔트 더 이상 일어나서 죽지 않는다! Cool
30/12/12 12:42 AM
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lazydog Offline
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Post: #2
RE: Have a laugh
Trogs secret Christmas strategy ...Wink

"This Christmas I'm giving everyone in my family a very special bottle that needs to be kept sealed for a minimum of 20 years before being opened, by which time it will have matured into one of the finest and rarest single malt whiskeys in the the world.

At least, that's what I'm telling them.

At 85 years old all I know is that I will be long gone before they realise it's piss."

İmage

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Handle life as a dog does. If ya can't eat it or Hump it. Piss on it & walk away.
(This post was last modified: 30/12/12 12:55 AM by lazydog. )
30/12/12 12:50 AM
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lazydog Offline
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Post: #3
RE: Have a laugh
Finally found the wifes G spot last night. Her sister had it all along!

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Handle life as a dog does. If ya can't eat it or Hump it. Piss on it & walk away.
30/12/12 12:58 AM
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Silversurfer Offline
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Post: #4
RE: Have a laugh
What kind of computer sings?
A Dell.

Two nuns cycling down a cobbled street. The first one says "I've never come
this way before"; the second one replies "Must be the cobbles"

이전 서퍼는 단지 캔트 더 이상 일어나서 죽지 않는다! Cool
(This post was last modified: 30/12/12 01:09 AM by Silversurfer. )
30/12/12 01:06 AM
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meeee Offline
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Post: #5
RE: Have a laugh
LOL

30/12/12 01:25 AM
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Silversurfer (30/12/12)
Silversurfer Offline
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Post: #6
RE: Have a laugh
Four nuns were standing in line at the gates of heaven. Peter asks the
first if she has ever sinned. "Well, once I looked at a man's penis," she
said.
"Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven," Peter
told her.
Peter then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned. "Well, once I held
a man's penis," she replied.
"Put your hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven," he said.
Just then the fourth nun pushed ahead of the third nun. Peter asked her,
"Why did you push ahead in line?"
She said, "Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!"

이전 서퍼는 단지 캔트 더 이상 일어나서 죽지 않는다! Cool
30/12/12 01:32 AM
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lazydog Offline
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Post: #7
RE: Have a laugh
teacher asks her class of 8 year olds

who can tell me a twelve letter word..

after a short silence johnny puts his hand up

teacher say go on then johnny

masterbation shouts johnny proudly

thats abit of a mouthfull says the teacher

NO miss shouts johnny thats a blow job

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
the whole goddamn family was drunk as a louse,
with mom in the whore house and dad in jail,
I sat myself down to a cold glass of ale.



When out on the lawn, I heard such a clatter,
I got off my sister to see what was the matter.
And what to my stoned-out eyes should appear,
but a shitty old sleigh and eight fucking reindeer.

With a dirty old man who was beating his dick,
I knew at that moment, it must be St. Nick.
He flew across the lawn and up the house wall,
he cried onward you bastards or it's off with your balls.

Then down the chimney he came like a bat out of hell,
I knew at that moment, the fat fucker fell.
He filled all the stockings with drugs and beer,
and a big rubber dick for my brother who's queer.

And up again he went with a fart,
that son of a bitch blew my chimney apart.
And I heard him say as he flew out of sight,
"piss on you all it's been a hell of a night."

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Handle life as a dog does. If ya can't eat it or Hump it. Piss on it & walk away.
(This post was last modified: 30/12/12 02:10 AM by lazydog. )
30/12/12 02:08 AM
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Silversurfer Offline
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Post: #8
RE: Have a laugh
Three nuns who had recently died where on their way to heaven. At the pearly
gates they were met by St. Peter. Around the gates there was a collection of
lights and bells.
St. Peter stopped them and told them that they would each have to answer
a question before they could enter through the pearly gates.
St. Paul: "What were the names of the two people in the
garden of Eden?"
1st nun : "Adam and Eve"
The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly
gates.
St. Paul: "What did Adam eat from the forbidden tree ?"
2nd nun : "An apple"
The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly
gates.
And finally it came the turn of the last nun.
St. Paul : "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam ?"
After a few minutes thinking she says "Gosh, that's a hard one!"
The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly
gates!

이전 서퍼는 단지 캔트 더 이상 일어나서 죽지 않는다! Cool
30/12/12 02:31 AM
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HappyVaping Offline
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Post: #9
RE: Have a laugh
lool Tongue

I enjoy vaping nicotine in the same way I enjoy a coffee. Nicotine doesnt keep me up all night though as wired as caffeine does.
30/12/12 03:01 AM
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Silversurfer Offline
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Post: #10
RE: Have a laugh
A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads "Panda: Large black and white mammal native to China. Eats shoots and leaves."!

이전 서퍼는 단지 캔트 더 이상 일어나서 죽지 않는다! Cool
30/12/12 03:03 AM
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